Breakdown Dave Gordon © 2007
I didn't think that the judge was going to give me so much time. After all, I didn't kill anyone and I'm definitely not as bad as all of these other inmates. Look at them; they're all tattooed up and trying to look tough. You can tell by their eyes that they cry themselves to sleep each night. As I sit on this bus, traveling to some God-forsaken Hell-hole I take a moment to think about what prison is going to be like. An older man is laughing at the back of the bus. He's saying, "Half of you mf's is going to be somebody's ho in no times flat!" That old sob must be saying that just for kicks. It can't be that bad in prison. Well, there it is, a big red brick building with dozens of inmates walking around in white clothes. I can already tell that I hate the place. A guard is yelling for us to get off his bus. Actually, I can't wait to get out. The floor is soaked with urine from an overfilled urinal and I'm barefoot. I wonder what diseases I'm standing in. Why does he have to yell out every order? are
He's treating us like we a less than dog feces. I just can't wait to find my rack and cover up. It's so nice to lay under the covers. The whole world is different under there. But wait. What if they put me in a bad tank? What if I'm stuck with an asshole for a cellie? Damn it, I'm going to have to play it tough. I won't be able to show an ounce of weakness! I'll just walk in there like I own the place! "Please God; don't let them put me someplace terrible..."
They gave me a set of clothes and shaved my head. God, I look like a serial killer! Remember: never smile and look each convict in the eye...I'll be okay. Maybe I'll get one of those scary tattoos. Like, maybe a flaming eagle plucking an eyeball out of someone's skull. I'm going to have to learn to smoke. All the tough inmates smoke. I mean, remember all those prison movies? "Hey bud, gimme a smoke!" Oh shit! That reminds me; I can't use my real name. But what? How about "Killer"? No. I'm sure there are at least a dozen of them with that name. What about "Blade"? Yeah, that'll work. No one will be messing with a guy named Blade because they think I'm good with a knife... the guard is yelling again. Good! He's taking us to our cells. I've gotta start tough! Just stare through people like they aren't even there. If anyone makes eye contact, I'll stare 'em down. No one is gonna see me as weak. I'm gonna hit that iron pile and be the biggest mf on this unit! But right now, I just want to get to my rack and cover up. I need to write to my Mom and Sister, so they'll know I'm all right. We are stopping... the guard just yelled out my name. This must be my new home. Remember; walk firm. Look around when I get in there, maybe I can spot the trouble makers right away. This place doesn't look so bad. Look at the size of that inmate
there. I can't show weakness. Someone that size could crush me. "God help me". There's my rack. I need to hurry up and get my things put up. I need too... Why is that idiot staring at me? What does he want? I have heard that on most units you have to fight on the first day. Maybe he's wanting to try me. Damn it to hell! Why is he staring at me? I just can't let him stare without saying something. If I don't say something, the whole pod will think I'm weak "What the hell are you looking at'?'' Damn. I can feel the adrenaline pumping. "My name is Blade ...Just Blade!" I feel like I'm shaking all over. Maybe if I flex every muscle it will ease the tension. "How'd I get the name 'Blade'? Why don't you ask the mf I killed?" Damn! That sounded tough. I've never killed anyone, but they don't know that. I've got to slow my breathing down. They'll see it and know I'm scared shitless. I need ...Ahh-h! someone just touched my shoulder. "What? What do you want?" God, I'm losing it. "Yes, I'm a tough guy! Anytime you want to find out, just ask". Oh, shit! He's taking his shirt off! I gotta fight this guy and I don't even know him! I'm glad he's smaller than me. "Okay, punk, let's rock!" Damn he hits fast! I've got to move in on him, then I can pulverize him! There! I've got him! Now I'll show everyone who they're messing with! A few punches to his head, another to his gut! Wow, this is too easy! Ugh! Who hit me?
Damn it, this dude's friends are jumping on me. I... can't... seem ...to...connect with... one of them. They're all hitting me! T can't fend them off. I've got to...I've got to ...why do I feel so weak? There's no...good, everyone is running away. I need to get back to my ...My God! I'm bleeding! There's blood everywhere. "Somebody help me!" Why ...why won't they help me? Don't they know who I am? I need ...to write to my Mom ...to let her know...
A guard ran into the pod and saw the man's corpse lying still on the floor. All of the other inmates were in their bunks looking innocently on the bloody scene. "Does anyone want to tell me what happened?" he asked. There was a moment of silence before an inmate yelled out.
"That mf came in here looking for a fight, so we gave it to him!" "I don't suppose any of you know his name?"
"Yeah, it's Blade, and he's a cold-blooded killer!