QUALIFIED POLITICIANS

The teleprompter-readers on the news shows agonize daily over who is, and who is not, "qualified" for political office. One thing that is never mentioned, however, is what, exactly, are these qualifications that are required to become a politician. To fill this obvious void, I list some of the most common qualifications here:

By far, the most needful qualification of all successful politicians is the ability to substitute heart-warming anecdotes for hard facts or detailed plans. What is more soul-satisfying than to listen to someone blow on and on in speech mode about hearing a union jingle as a child or to have a hereditary millionaire insult everyone who works for a living by calling us Joe Sixpack", "Joe the Plumber' etc?

There is nothing that makes me love my politicians more then them trying to pull on my heartstrings. This ability to talk nebulously , vaguely and at length about a coming Utopia that the candidate promises to supply to everyone is a primary qualification of all the most successful politicians. Their ability to repeat vacuous speeches with the appearance of sincerity and feeling is another qualifying trait, It also helps the illusion along when they employ stealthy "roadies" to pre-select audiences who are subliminally trained to eagerly hoot and dance during the pauses designed to encourage this activity.

A required qualification is that every potential politicians MUST possess a particularly large, gleaming white set of teeth with which to grin at his victims. This is an evolutionary requirement needed to establish a false sense of competence, much as is done by certain African apes with the magnificent, colorful fur on their hindquarters. Politicians must be agile. Like champion acrobats, successful politicians must be able to dodge accountability, responsibility and even the rare pie, shoe or other missile that may breach their many layers of security.

The most successful officeholders are adept at expanding blame to cover a multitude of anonymous, generalized culprits, since what we call "govt" is really little more than a fairly well organized series of silk-suit mob, white-collar crime waves. By spreading blame very thinly among many, punishment is avoided by all. (Contrast this with the justice system afforded non-elite citizens, where the exact opposite occurs. E.g, when one person is killed by a drunken punk shooting at random out of a speeding vehicle, everyone in the vehicle is punished with a legislated version of murder, even the ones passed out in the floorboards.) Common phrases that politicians use to accomplish blame- and punishment dodging are well known due to their frequent use_ E.g, "We are ALL to blame...", (suggesting that even we who had no part in the fiasco or any knowledge of it are to blame simply for not noticing it ) "There is plenty of blame to go around..-" (spreading a miasma of non-specific guilt is always a good tactic, since who of us has no guilt for a politician to exploit?) These standard phrases are not let to hang in the air for their victims to think on too long. The cunning politician swiftly follows them with, "Now let us all just roll up our sleeves and get to work fixing this..." and "Let's put this behind us... (without punishing anyone)".

Possessing a different face for every potential constituency is very useful, such as when snatching votes requires holding opposite views. Only the most qualified politicians can appear to both favor and hate gays, abortion, unions, etc. This is why there are so many local stops along the campaign trail for speechifying to small audiences. As a general political rule, the bigger the lie, or the sorrier the truth, the smaller or more carefully chosen the audience. (Particularly notice the secret meetings in foreign countries with persons who buy our weapons, receive our aid, and whose citizens make up a large percentage of our population, such as Hispanics and Jews.)

Dishonesty is the trade of politicians. the more dishonest, the more successful, since only the more larcenist politician sucks out those extra, undeserved votes that propel hi m into office. (E.g, Reagan's Not-too-secret deals with the Iranian religious fanatics helped him get elected for being the "hero" who "freed the hostages". He continue to flout U.S. and international law by giving them their billion$ back, selling them outlawed munitions through Israeli middlemen and by smuggling them our satellite and other technologies,)

Another essential qualifying trait of successful politicians is their ability to delegate their criminal activities to others. The most celebrated criminal-politician, Nixon, enjoyed many years of graft and corruption with his crews of CIA/FBI henchmen/lackies before finally getting caught by mere fluke in a petty phone-tapping/burglary caper. Reagan had virtually all of his cabinet level criminal masterminds forced to resign and hide after his long series of national megathefts. His crews are famous for causing over half a trillion dollars to vanish out of the Savings and Loan industry, for thousands of half-built office parks and for looting the Housing and Urban Development Administration, as well as many other crimes. Reagan's crew took more away from the poor and disenfranchised than anyone since the 1929 megatheft.

As far as not getting caught, dodging punishment and retaining a good reputation, SlickWillie Clinton was even more successful. He and his band of Highway Patrol cops were able to conceal his sexual addiction for a very long time. He was able to sell our technological secrets on rocketry, satellites, even atom bomb design to China and other countries, then flagrantly sell laws such as the one that allowed Tyson Foods to use bigger trucks on the highways, and more, all with only minimal protest from his victims. He even got away with pulling a Kerr-Mcgee/Silkwood on Vince Foster when his conscience began itching on Whitewater and Troopergate, and made Foster's suitcase full of damning evidence vanish forever. Clinton ton even used his wife as his bag-man, "investing" $1,000 in Tyson's commodities market for a one-month return of $100,000!

Politicianal ripoff technology vastly improved recently with the use of a buffoon as a puppet. This is equal to political prestidigitation, where one hand flops spectacularly and amusingly around to draw attention away from the other hand stealing off with the National Trust. The Corporate Media's laser-tight focus on Sonny Bush's syllabic silliness enabled the real political criminals to stay in power, though barely concealed, throughout a heady eight-year orgy of citizen-stampeding terror-calling, super-pricegouging, nation robbery, tech-theft, mass-murder, sales of national secrets and TWO of the most brobdingnagian thefts of public and private wealth in all of history!

The most qualified of successful politicians are able to put numerous cutouts and deaddrops between them and the thousands of people constantly bringing them payment for favors, political patronage, influence, legislation, etc. This torrent of wealth and lucre is often too much and too frequent to be safely gathered up by the politician, his family members, in-laws, business-partners, charitable foundations or other laundering methods. This is why the politicians direct much of the overflow to their "Political Action Committees" and respective "Party" headquarters. The two main party HQs are nothing but colossal slush funds, never accounted, created to make a "legal" means for politicians to profit from the money they "earn" during their careers as rhetoric-artists, promise-pukers, Utopia-sellers, fact-twisters and illusionists.

These politician-tricks are only the most common and most obvious methods that govcrats use to exploit their taxherds. There are thousands more that remain to be uncovered, and govcrats are ever busy inventing more. Govcrats and politicians are very dangerous. their irrational stomping-around has caused hundreds of wars and billions of murders. Govt should never be let to do anything without intense scrutiny by its citizens. You know govt has turned vicious and gone rabid when it justifies torture and sneak attacks by simply making up terror fantasies out of thin air. Citizens must become much less gullible, and we must devise ways to punish govcrats and politicians for their black crimes that hurt millions of people at a time, because "Nothing so upholds the law as punishment of persons whose crimes are as great as their rank!"